just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
