he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
