I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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