Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
