i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
