It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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