He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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