Welp...herpes.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Less talking, more tequila
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
