you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
