I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
