so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
