Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
