You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just googled if crying burns calories
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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