is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
