Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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