Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
