Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
