It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
