so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
