I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
