What a fucking waste of an outfit
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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