would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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