My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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