I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Come share oat with me in your robe
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
