Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
