So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
