exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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