4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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