How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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