If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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