It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
