Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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