He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
