I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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