I feel great
I just peed on a car
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
