I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
