just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
