ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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