Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
