I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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