she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
