my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
