no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
