I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
