genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
