she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
be right there i have to get my cape
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
