im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
