dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
