How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
