His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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