i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Randomize
