$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
