i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
as a side note pls kill me
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
